Wednesday, September 10, 2008

Back to Square One (Again)

I just don't understand.

One minute, I've got everything figured out.
But then (like always) I realize I don't.
And it's not like anything major happens--I just realize I was wrong.

How can the very nature of oneself be hidden from one's own mind and heart for decades at a time? How can something of that magnitude stay hidden, lying dormant, waiting for just the right person to allow oneself to finally see one's own soul correctly for the first time?

How can my mom the music major say she hates band,
Hates theatre,
Hates music?

How come, every once and a while, I really do know where I'm going, where I am, who I love, who I hate, what I love, and what I hate? Why does it have to be so sporadic, arbitrary and random?

It just baffles me.

All I know is when I'm with Alice, I am truly happy and stress free, however odd that may seem. It's like I forget that you are miles and miles away, that I Edward will never truly be as I want him, and I can finally shake this feeling that I'm truly alone.

She is someone I know I could never live without.


susan sews a lot said...

Alright, now. I don't hate band, I hate that so little of your school band seems to be about the music and more about the fundraising and the trips - not the preparation of the competition, but where will we go to have fun? I don't hate theatre, I hate that you're theatre experience at school is soooo unorganized and crappy. And I don't hate music, just maybe some of your music. I like to hear beautiful vocals with interesting lyrics, and I like to hear beautiful and interesting music. I just don't like hearing adequate vocals and adequate music meshed together so that you can't really hear anything. SO THERE!! blah blah blah - I joined google for this response?

Can't Jump For Joy said...

Well, you can understand how when you went to college and got a degree in this stuff because you loved it, and now whenever I talk about it you're like : lakhdsfkbhdlghlhdslkhbs(negativity)

it just kind of ticks me off.

Even today, when I told you we were adding tryouts to Marching Band, I got the feeling that you thought that was stupid when in all reality and respected band does that today. So, in order to be all about the music, we need to be the best band we can be, and to do that we need to cut the slack.
I really hate hearing freshmen say we suck, but I feel the same way, so to shut them up, we need to cut the crap and win some competitions.

And I like acting.
I'm going to do theatre, regardless of how unorganized it is because I like to be on stage and entertain. Which is what it's all about.

I will hook you up with beautiful lyrics.