Fighting Cold Feet

It's so hard to connect your future with what you want; to make sure they line up. It's so hard and that's why whenever you tell someone what you want in your future, they usually try to tell you how unlikely it is, rather than try to encourage you or even listen for that matter.

It's also why most people give up on what they want and just let the future happen. Then, if they end up happy, they say it was luck or a blessing or the will of God.

At some point in life, you have to choose. You have to commit and decided that what you want is what you really want for your future. It's true: You make your own destiny, forge your own path, no one can do that but you--but you have to commit to that destiny.

This is where I am.

I have done all of the ground work. I have done all of the soul-searching. I know what I want. I can see the future that includes what I want. It's clear as day. Now I have to commit to it; I have to marry it. This destiny that I want has to now become as much a part of me as a spouse would. For better or worse and in sickness and in health.

It's only going to get harder from here: More expensive, more demanding, more cutthroat, but also more enlightening, more fulfilling, and more rewarding. If I commit, and get down the proverbial aisle, it will be worth it--I know that--but I have to get there first.

I was mistaken before. Now comes the hard part. Keeping faith.