Eureka!

I think I found Jacob, but I can't be sure.
He's the only character I can't cast permanently yet.

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In case you haven't realized, I use the relationships already developed by the characters of the Twilight Saga by Stephenie Meyer (worth reading) in order to explain my current situation. It doesn't completely explain everything, but it works.

Back to Square One (Again)

I just don't understand.

One minute, I've got everything figured out.
But then (like always) I realize I don't.
And it's not like anything major happens--I just realize I was wrong.

How can the very nature of oneself be hidden from one's own mind and heart for decades at a time? How can something of that magnitude stay hidden, lying dormant, waiting for just the right person to allow oneself to finally see one's own soul correctly for the first time?

How can my mom the music major say she hates band,
Hates theatre,
Hates music?

How come, every once and a while, I really do know where I'm going, where I am, who I love, who I hate, what I love, and what I hate? Why does it have to be so sporadic, arbitrary and random?

It just baffles me.

All I know is when I'm with Alice, I am truly happy and stress free, however odd that may seem. It's like I forget that you are miles and miles away, that I Edward will never truly be as I want him, and I can finally shake this feeling that I'm truly alone.

She is someone I know I could never live without.

The Saying Goes...

"There comes a point in your life when you realize who matters, who never did, and who always will. So don't worry about people from your past. There's a reason why they didn't make it to your future."

If that's true, what if some from your past propels themselves into your future?
What happens then?

In Case You Are All Facebook Fiends....

...this post disappeared?!
WTH?

Anyways, I'm in a Facebook relationship (not a real one) with Surfer Boy.

I Really Need to Get My Act Together

Blogging upon request is difficult, but blogging because you just realized the object of all you affections, Ed, is moving back to their not-too-far-away institute of higher learning is easy. Again the song is pulsing through my veins.
I guess I'll have to wait until May to truly see their immaculate face again. But until then, I guess Alice's beaming face will have to do. She still has no idea that certain expressions she makes give me chills. The resemblance cannot be ignored. Will Jacob make an appearance this year, or will I have to wait without a sun to light my rainy days yet again? You know I will gladly forget Ed for you, so what's the hold up?

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I have recently started a new novel because I was feeling to suffocated with the one I have been working on for more than a year. I realized to get you to feel what I wanted you to feel from reading it, I would have to totally change the dynamic of EVERYTHING. Right now, I'm not in the proper place for that kind of stress.

Craving something easy, I started the new novel. Starting a new novel is always easy. The plot itself is predictable until the very end. I'm focusing more on the characters more than I have ever done before. The relationships are predictable as well, but more thoroughly explained than in my last novel. It is also more of a departure from my usually scenarios. Supernatural elements permeate, but aren't really in the foreground. It is a character study at heart. The reader will cry at the end.

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Ollie Ollie Oxen Free!
Come out from hiding.
Or at least give me a clue.
Don't you want me to find you?


Guess not.

A Vampire Surfer Boy Who Bakes Cookies? What?

I read that book. You know, Breaking Dawn? Yeah, it was really good. Well, most of it was. There were about 200 pages that I felt had no purpose. However, there were exactly 222 pages that make the book worth everything. Out of 743 pages, I suppose the majority of it was good.
But I feel cheated, in a way.
I feel that the main character made the wrong choice.
I feel that the author twisted logic and tradition to fit her own agenda.
I suppose that's okay for an author, but when one describes someone as frozen in the point of time where they ceased to live as a human and merely existed one expects that all organs cease working. If that was not the case, I would've appreciated being told so.
As far as I'm concerned, vampires shoot blanks.

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I have baked around a million cookies within this past week. I almost feel like declaring that I will never bake another cookie again!

But alas! That is untrue.

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Surfer Boy (who I have never mentioned before on this blog) got his braces off. It was a definite improvement. We are nothing more than friends. I mean, every once and a while he makes me feel like someone could actually consider loving me.
But as I said, we are nothing more than friends, so he does not.

False Alarm

You aren't really coming back, are you? I fell in, but you aren't going to catch me. I guess I always knew that. So this whole thing--me missing you beyond measure, finding you at last, and just waiting for things to go back to normal--was just a false alarm? Why then, would you reach out to me in the first place? Why couldn't you just leave me alone so I could finally learn to live without you? I guess that song I wrote is still relevant. And I guess I shouldn't restrain things between me and him. I guess I have to be the one to leave you behind this time. What a change.

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I really hate the last weeks of summer. My mom always tries to cram stuff in--family activities and such. I'd rather just relish my last days free of school pressure. Of course, I have yet to do my summer homework.