So, what is a blog?
I really don't know.
Isn't like a diary?
I mean, that's how I've been treating it.
(So yes, dear aunts, I would write this way in a diary.)
With that said, here's one for current events:
I've got a reader and they are on to me.
Oddly, it's the most amazing thing ever.
I love it--the idea that someone actually understands my doublespeak.
Maybe I'm making a big deal of it, but it doesn't change the fact that I think it's awesome.
----
I have again sold my soul to The Drama Devil. At least until February.
However, this time it is truly worth it considering that I am playing the Wicked Witch of the West in Seckman's lovely (very close to the movie) version of The Wizard of Oz. Yearbook hasn't really been a problem, but I'm pretty sure that it has something to do with the server being down so really all progress/slavework is at a virtual standstill. (AMAZING!)
A few friends and I have finally decided to realize our dream--however unrealistic it may be. We have formed a band--a rock/indie/alternative/punk band to be exact. Even though we only consist of a guitarist, drummer and a vocalist, we are determined. (With that said, we are on the prowl for a bassist and a second/lead guitarist because I know I'm not that good.)
I really want pizza.
----
Why is Karma being such a bitch?
I haven't done anything to her.
So I have kind of just been waiting for something good to happen because that's all I've been trying to do, but Karma keeps giving me the cold shoulder.
Karma, how about we give our friendship a second chance, eh?
Wednesday, January 7, 2009
Friday, December 26, 2008
Cinematic Moments Are the Best
I am living in a state I never thought I would be living in.
My dearest friend knows my darkest secret.
Yet, they have not abandoned me.
They have not said the horrible words I swore I would hear.
They have not cut me off.
I am not forced to observe them from an afar.
Quite the contrary.
Though the direct aftermath was Hell.
And it seemed all my fears were now staring me in the face.
In those few days of solitude,
I was prepared to suffer my fate, life without them, without protest.
But it seems that, as they predicted, they could not bear it.
They needed me as much a I need them.
And were willing to forgive me.
I did not account for this,
And from it grew the hope that maybe I could live the life I had seemingly destroyed.
What an impossibility.
When they reached out to me,
All my well-rehearsed apologies didn't matter.
And their cinematic declaration proved sound.
We are closer.
We are stronger.
And I find that I had it all wrong.
When the others told me I got the wrong one, I denied it.
But it's proved to be more true than any other statement made.
The sun is higher than the sky.
And I feel free at last.
The declaration comes back to me now, and I smile.
Maybe I did get the wrong one.
All I know is that now I feel that I got the best one.
They know that I lie, and they finally see me with all my flaws.
And they still trust me.
They still love me.
I am in a state of living I never thought I'd be living in.
It's called Euphoria.
----
Sorry about neglecting my blog for so long!
Although, I really don't know who reads this aside from my aunts....
My December was rough.
My report card will suck, and I probably failed Trig, but you know I don't actually need three credits of math to graduate so it doesn't really matter.
I had....I guess you could call it a fight even though it really didn't involve any normal aspects of a fight with my best friend and was given the Cold Shoulder TIMES A BILLION for a week and about died because of it. (That's what the first part of this post is about.)
Of course, this all ties into the all the people I've previously mentioned in this blog such as Ed, Jacob, and Alice, so for all of you out there (my aunts) trying to figure out who the Hell I'm actually talking about--here's another piece of the puzzle! (Cris, don't be a cheater and ask my mom either! She doesn't know! Hahaha!)
Obviously, I'm in a much better mood right now. I'm just really bored because I haven't seen anyone aside from my family for a solid week. I mean, I love them, but I am definitely missing Ashley and Jen and Kim and LUCY! (Even though I wouldn't be able to see Lucy anyway because she's in freaking SOUTH DAKOTAH!) (Same with Kim--she's in freaking MICHIGAN!) Is it so much to ask to have friends over ONE day over break? Blahhhhhhhhh! Or perhaps some cousins? Seriously...Chrismas=Extended family too, righ?! But I guess I'll get to see everybody tomorrow at the family Christmas, so I really shouldn't be complaining. But I am. Hahahaha.
My dearest friend knows my darkest secret.
Yet, they have not abandoned me.
They have not said the horrible words I swore I would hear.
They have not cut me off.
I am not forced to observe them from an afar.
Quite the contrary.
Though the direct aftermath was Hell.
And it seemed all my fears were now staring me in the face.
In those few days of solitude,
I was prepared to suffer my fate, life without them, without protest.
But it seems that, as they predicted, they could not bear it.
They needed me as much a I need them.
And were willing to forgive me.
I did not account for this,
And from it grew the hope that maybe I could live the life I had seemingly destroyed.
What an impossibility.
When they reached out to me,
All my well-rehearsed apologies didn't matter.
And their cinematic declaration proved sound.
We are closer.
We are stronger.
And I find that I had it all wrong.
When the others told me I got the wrong one, I denied it.
But it's proved to be more true than any other statement made.
The sun is higher than the sky.
And I feel free at last.
The declaration comes back to me now, and I smile.
Promise you won't hate me after this, okay?And may be the others were right.
You know I can't do that. You make me laugh too much.
Well, I hope that proves true.
Maybe I did get the wrong one.
All I know is that now I feel that I got the best one.
They know that I lie, and they finally see me with all my flaws.
And they still trust me.
They still love me.
I am in a state of living I never thought I'd be living in.
It's called Euphoria.
----
Sorry about neglecting my blog for so long!
Although, I really don't know who reads this aside from my aunts....
My December was rough.
My report card will suck, and I probably failed Trig, but you know I don't actually need three credits of math to graduate so it doesn't really matter.
I had....I guess you could call it a fight even though it really didn't involve any normal aspects of a fight with my best friend and was given the Cold Shoulder TIMES A BILLION for a week and about died because of it. (That's what the first part of this post is about.)
Of course, this all ties into the all the people I've previously mentioned in this blog such as Ed, Jacob, and Alice, so for all of you out there (my aunts) trying to figure out who the Hell I'm actually talking about--here's another piece of the puzzle! (Cris, don't be a cheater and ask my mom either! She doesn't know! Hahaha!)
Obviously, I'm in a much better mood right now. I'm just really bored because I haven't seen anyone aside from my family for a solid week. I mean, I love them, but I am definitely missing Ashley and Jen and Kim and LUCY! (Even though I wouldn't be able to see Lucy anyway because she's in freaking SOUTH DAKOTAH!) (Same with Kim--she's in freaking MICHIGAN!) Is it so much to ask to have friends over ONE day over break? Blahhhhhhhhh! Or perhaps some cousins? Seriously...Chrismas=Extended family too, righ?! But I guess I'll get to see everybody tomorrow at the family Christmas, so I really shouldn't be complaining. But I am. Hahahaha.
Sunday, November 16, 2008
I Can't Wait
I can't wait until I'm older
So I can finally tell you all the things
I say when I'm alone
That you don't hear, but I whisper
That I sing, but you don't know are about you
That I believe so fully, but are so afraid to reveal
I can't wait to be a martyr of my own words
Because apparently
When I'm older
What I want to tell you will be better received
With open arms possibly
Because you are in worse shape than me
Or so I observe
I can't wait until these visions go away
So I can stop seeing you hurt a million times a night
So I can stop shaking, convulsing, dying
As I see your car twisted
As I see you lying in the hospital bed
Almost dead but still breathing
As I hear my friends ask if I have been crying
And as I reply that I have with more tears than before
As I see you wake to me confiding all the the things I've yet to say
Destroying the best friend I promised never to hurt
Destroying the facade I've allowed to grow
Destroying my the only thing I have left
This secret that is you
I can't wait until something comes to take my lazy eye of a mind
On to someone else and off of you.
But I what an impossibility
Because as long as the sky is blue
I will love you
This Declaration goes for two
Opposites, but two halves of the whole that is my heart
----
My birthday is Monday.
Twilight and my party are Friday.
I have the first season of DBZ to watch.
So I can finally tell you all the things
I say when I'm alone
That you don't hear, but I whisper
That I sing, but you don't know are about you
That I believe so fully, but are so afraid to reveal
I can't wait to be a martyr of my own words
Because apparently
When I'm older
What I want to tell you will be better received
With open arms possibly
Because you are in worse shape than me
Or so I observe
I can't wait until these visions go away
So I can stop seeing you hurt a million times a night
So I can stop shaking, convulsing, dying
As I see your car twisted
As I see you lying in the hospital bed
Almost dead but still breathing
As I hear my friends ask if I have been crying
And as I reply that I have with more tears than before
As I see you wake to me confiding all the the things I've yet to say
Destroying the best friend I promised never to hurt
Destroying the facade I've allowed to grow
Destroying my the only thing I have left
This secret that is you
I can't wait until something comes to take my lazy eye of a mind
On to someone else and off of you.
But I what an impossibility
Because as long as the sky is blue
I will love you
This Declaration goes for two
Opposites, but two halves of the whole that is my heart
----
My birthday is Monday.
Twilight and my party are Friday.
I have the first season of DBZ to watch.
Friday, October 17, 2008
And This is the Life I Chose
School: 7am-3pm Monday-Friday
Yearbook: 3pm-? (and occasionally any days we have off school i.e. today) Most days, Monday-Friday
(Except on Thursdays--Marching Band: 6pm-9pm)
Marching Band: Most Fridays (5pm-7pm) and Entire Weekends
Friends, yes.
Anything else, no.
Mental breakdowns are a'comin'!
(Oh and I owe my mom 50 bucks with no way to pay her off, and I don't have my driver's permit with one month until my seventeenth birthday.)
Yearbook: 3pm-? (and occasionally any days we have off school i.e. today) Most days, Monday-Friday
(Except on Thursdays--Marching Band: 6pm-9pm)
Marching Band: Most Fridays (5pm-7pm) and Entire Weekends
Friends, yes.
Anything else, no.
Mental breakdowns are a'comin'!
(Oh and I owe my mom 50 bucks with no way to pay her off, and I don't have my driver's permit with one month until my seventeenth birthday.)
Monday, September 15, 2008
Eureka!
I think I found Jacob, but I can't be sure.
He's the only character I can't cast permanently yet.
----
In case you haven't realized, I use the relationships already developed by the characters of the Twilight Saga by Stephenie Meyer (worth reading) in order to explain my current situation. It doesn't completely explain everything, but it works.
He's the only character I can't cast permanently yet.
----
In case you haven't realized, I use the relationships already developed by the characters of the Twilight Saga by Stephenie Meyer (worth reading) in order to explain my current situation. It doesn't completely explain everything, but it works.
Wednesday, September 10, 2008
Back to Square One (Again)
I just don't understand.
One minute, I've got everything figured out.
But then (like always) I realize I don't.
And it's not like anything major happens--I just realize I was wrong.
How can the very nature of oneself be hidden from one's own mind and heart for decades at a time? How can something of that magnitude stay hidden, lying dormant, waiting for just the right person to allow oneself to finally see one's own soul correctly for the first time?
How can my mom the music major say she hates band,
Hates theatre,
Hates music?
How come, every once and a while, I really do know where I'm going, where I am, who I love, who I hate, what I love, and what I hate? Why does it have to be so sporadic, arbitrary and random?
It just baffles me.
All I know is when I'm with Alice, I am truly happy and stress free, however odd that may seem. It's like I forget that you are miles and miles away, that I Edward will never truly be as I want him, and I can finally shake this feeling that I'm truly alone.
She is someone I know I could never live without.
One minute, I've got everything figured out.
But then (like always) I realize I don't.
And it's not like anything major happens--I just realize I was wrong.
How can the very nature of oneself be hidden from one's own mind and heart for decades at a time? How can something of that magnitude stay hidden, lying dormant, waiting for just the right person to allow oneself to finally see one's own soul correctly for the first time?
How can my mom the music major say she hates band,
Hates theatre,
Hates music?
How come, every once and a while, I really do know where I'm going, where I am, who I love, who I hate, what I love, and what I hate? Why does it have to be so sporadic, arbitrary and random?
It just baffles me.
All I know is when I'm with Alice, I am truly happy and stress free, however odd that may seem. It's like I forget that you are miles and miles away, that I Edward will never truly be as I want him, and I can finally shake this feeling that I'm truly alone.
She is someone I know I could never live without.
Wednesday, August 27, 2008
The Saying Goes...
"There comes a point in your life when you realize who matters, who never did, and who always will. So don't worry about people from your past. There's a reason why they didn't make it to your future."
If that's true, what if some from your past propels themselves into your future?
What happens then?
If that's true, what if some from your past propels themselves into your future?
What happens then?
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