Wednesday, March 30, 2011

Masterful and Decadent Wasted

I have to stop.
Stop thinking
Stop remembering
Stop processing

It's not working
Nothing works
Nothing helps
Nothing heals

"You used to care when my fingers bled
And I told you not to fret
Now you look at me like you want me dead
Like you never once called me friend."
I'm thinking Cm, Em, Dm.

This just comes out.
These words that I only halfway want to say.
I got a new guitar and relearned almost every song I ever knew.

I read this article that scientists have discovered that when a relationship of any substance comes to an end, thoughts and memories about said relationship stimulate that same areas in the brain that are stimulated by actual physical pain. At first, I simply thought, "Well, this all makes sense now--how I am feeling makes sense." But then, later in the day I thought, "Wait, isn't that a two way street?" Therefore, you could be in pain too. I don't know how I feel about that. At first, I think that I want it to end for you. I want it to stop. But then I remember that you started it, and you could so easily make it stop for yourself.

"None of this is clean,
But I think that I need
More than the ice cold stare that you left with me."
Gm, Cm, Am, Dm
I dunno. Considering that isn't entirely accurate. It wasn't ice cold. It was curious. So confusing.

If you don't hate me, what do you think of me? Somehow, through all of this, I still think the world of both of you. Perhaps it's because I am crazy. I finally lost it.

I know that if you see this it won't do me any good.

I will wait--I will always wait--but I won't hold my breath.

I know my brain isn't working right.


"Hatred stirs up dissension, but love covers over all wrongs.” – Proverbs 10:12

“We love because he first loved us. If anyone says, “I love God,” yet hates his brother, he is a liar. For anyone who does not love his brother, whom he has seen, cannot love God, whom he has not seen.” – 1 John 4:19-20

I think my favorite part about these verses is where they were brought to my attention.


No more of this.
I call it quits.

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