Wednesday, March 16, 2011


It is. You get that, right? I mean, the first notes I took in my Chaucer notebook today had absolutely NOTHING to do with Chaucer. That's kind of a problem for me, considering I really like Chaucer and being a good student in Chaucer.

LIKE. It's kinda nice because all the poppy, punky songs I used to pretend applied to my life, now kinda do. BUT ON THE SAME COIN, they really shouldn't. I used to be an overly dramatic fifteen year old; my life should not be in the (relatively) same place at this point.

And I mean, SURE, I love television and film. And who hasn't, at one point or another, wanted their life to be as "exciting" as Grey's Anatomy or ...some other critically acclaimed television program even though you KNOW that it's so EXAGGERATED and totally NOT possible IRL.

Of course, everyone thinks that--UNTIL IT HAPPENS TO THEM. And of course, when life doesn't seem that great, they hope and pray that something will JUST HAPPEN to reiterate that you are, in fact, a living and breathing human being. But then whatever it is actually HAPPENS and you just want to scream. And you start to long for the days that the most exciting that that ever happened to you was making a good point in Chaucer.

I am all about progress, and destiny, and faith, and love, but this is all just too much for me. I was working on finally simplifying my life--getting comfortable with the fact that I might not have a movie based on my life--but it just so happens, that God coincidentally decided to throwme into an asteroid field without any updated charts, just to see how long I can last, at the exact same time. Yeah, it's just ridiculous.

I'm sorry. I would probably just enjoy this if I could forget about the little girl that is caught in the middle of all of this. Whatever comes of this directly affects her--much more so than it will ever affect me. Perhaps that is why I am so worried.


On a brighter note:

I made three good points in Chaucer, IN SPITE OF MY BRAIN EXPLOSION.
And I totally nailed my French test. I should just minor in it, damn it.


I know I said I wouldn't do this anymore, but it's times like these I really wish I could talk to you. But, don't worry, I know that's not going to happen.

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