Probably because I had to do it in my own handwriting. Ask anyone, it's pretty distinctive.
While I was actually writing it all out, committing it to the concrete paper format, I listened to every song that I had anything to do with it (because there was a soundtrack to it all) until my nose and eyes burned.
I'm not going to say that I let it all go. That is a skill I don't possess. And, ironically, that inadequacy is what healed me. Somehow, writing it out changed everything from "haunting" to...just memories. Good, powerful, important memories--but still just memories.
I have come to terms with my error and with its (however unproportional I consider them to be) repercussions. More importantly, I have come to terms with what this all means for me. I tell everyone to "own it"--to own your flaws and mistakes, and not to hide behind them. Now, this is my time to own it.
See...this just sounds like me whining again.
I suppose it always will.
But, I tell you all, this is different; I am different.