"You called and You shouted, broke through my deafness. Now I'm breathing in and breathing out. I'm alive again. You shattered my darkness, washed away my blindness. Now I'm breathing in and breathing out. I'm alive again."
It hurts to hear this song and not see you beside me; smiling and laughing and full of joy.
It hurts to hear this song and remember how safe I felt; how overwhelmed with love and a sense of purpose I was. Everything made sense. Everything fit. I had all of Your power and might behind me. I didn't need to worry anymore because You had a task for me, and supplied me with everything and everyone I needed.
I don't know how I lost that feeling of safety. I don't know where it all went. Somehow, between then and now, I have lost everything. And that doesn't make sense.
I have only grown to love and need You more. Why must I start again? You are testing me again. Testing to see if I will rise to Your challenge. I will, that is not a question, but why must it hurt so much? I suppose I thought I knew pain, and now You are showing me what pain really is--what being alone really means.
I am Yours. Imbue me with Your purpose. Make me Your instrument.
But please, all I ask is that I don't do this alone. Give me some of it back. I know I don't deserve to ask anything of You, and I certainly don't deserve to have any of it back, but I can hardly take this anymore. I blindly put one foot in front of the other for You--please, shed some Light.