"Don't Worry, I Have Abs of Steel"

I'm beginning to think 11:11 is a scam...or it has a horrible sense of humor. Is it so hard for things to pan out every once and awhile? Like really. Can't anything go right?

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I lent Colleen my Dashboard Confessional cds. The music is either really couple oriented or really sad. Either one is applicable to her life right now so....I figured she need them.

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When this all started
Back when snow covered to ground
I was drawn to your smile.

As time when on
More perfections were revealed
And some flaws as well.

And now I am yours
So fully yours
It is as if we are one.

But when this all started
I was drawn to your smile
I would love to see it every once and awhile.

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Nora Jones is the Shit

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Today, some actors held an acting workshop at my school.
I volunteered to do an exercise and killed.
I mean, I dominated.
The "Professional Actors" were impressed.
I was so happy and proud.
And then I was pissed.
I mean, I wasn't even cast in a play this year.
How is that for fair?

I'm Going to Get Caught With This Post

So....you say you hug people?
Right.
Sure.
I believe that.
In fact, you'll hug everyone in the room except me every day.
Mmmmhmmm......(Black lady voice)
...
However, today you hugged me twice and, well, it made my day.
Thanks.

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I have a new best friend.
His name is Bill, he looks about 80 and plays bass clarinet in the Community Band.
BFFL for sure.
(Despite the age difference.)

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I just wanna say: I'm Pro Josh. And the best part is so is Colleen. Ahhhh! Awesome!

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I'm sorry this post is so erratic with the topic matter. I really can't seem to focus on too much anymore. I am so ready to start college. Mainly because I KNOW I won't be leaving Seckman behind. Rachel and Colleen won't let me. Haha. And that is absolutely fine with me.

(Even More) Current Events

Mother found out about all that has happened to Kellan. She wanted to talk about it. I did not.

I asked a boy to Prom. He was like "Sure."
But don't get too excited.
Because we are taking different large vehicles to Prom, the situation became impractical, and thus, will not occur.
I'm still happy though because at least I asked him and that is a major personal victory for me.
I mean, I haven't done anything like that since....dumbhead.
Vishal walked me through it. hahaha
Thanks Brown Kid.

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If you can't say it all at once,
Then tell me in bits and pieces.
I will wait and hear you out,
And provide whatever I can.
Just be sure to smile again.

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I posted a link to this on my Facebook a few days ago and I have gotten rave reviews. I mean, Mrs. Anderson read the whole thing in a morning. I guess I'm glad that my ramblings are so entertaining. Feel free to continue reading, but I am not really open to questions if you don't get a poem or a paragraph. If you don't understand what you read or you feel left out....you were meant to. This is more of a (very public) diary for me than anything. However, if you are losing sleep over a post, I suppose you can ask....you just might not get an answer. Haha.

Current Events

School is almost over. The mundane and predictable high school period of my life is almost over. This should be a happy time for me. I've been wanting to go to college since I was nine. Unfortunately, I feel more at home in that gross, overcrowded and poorly planned building than I ever did anywhere else. This, of course, makes me question my future plans. Am I double majoring in Digital Cinema Studies and English (and becoming a certified teacher) just to have a back up plan (which is what I tell myself) or because I don't want tor really have a main plan? Am I simply going to college just to go back to high school? I mean, when someone asks me what I am going to school for, if one of my friends is around they will answer for me saying "Natalie is going to be an English teacher." Well, it's not like they are wrong. I am going to be an English teacher eventually, but....that was never my original plan. I don't want to be in high school for the rest of my life do I? The plan was to write books and pilots and make things--make things that matter and that change a person's view of the world. That was the plan. But how am I going to do that in high school? True, I can change the views of my students, I write in my off time (yeah, right, that's why Hub is published.....not), but I never wanted that.

I think the main reason I feel so at home at school is because I can do whatever I want there. I control everything I care about there. Opportunities are everywhere. I have virtual complete freedom. I think I will still have that in college--to a degree anyway--but if I become a teacher, I will totally give that up. My life will become a game. A game of Let's See How Much I Can Actually Teach While Jumping Through Hoops for School Administrators. I can't jump very well, let alone through hoops. I am going to suck at that game. I don't want to give up my freedom, but I don't want to take huge risks either. But I suppose, in order to keep (or rebuild) this freedom, I will have to take some risks. I will have to push myself to find my vehicle to freedom--whether it be through writing, acting, music, whatever. It doesn't matter. I just can't give it up that easily. Not when I worked so hard to get it.

So what's the plan now? I guess it's something along the lines of exploiting every promising opportunity for success. I guess I really have to take Hub's advice and truly do what I am good at. What the hell?

God Help Me.

"Natalie! Look! It's the Asian!"

I love Rachel Clark.
I mean, only she could truly understand the greatness of Asians with me.
Hahaha.

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So Prom is quickly approaching.
I have no dress.
Nor do I have date.
I do, however, have a seat on a Hummer Limo.
And that's the important part after all.

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Seckman High School is celebrating Pi Day tomorrow.
Here it is, my senior year.
It's my last Pi Day celebration.
I am liable to cry at the end of the day.
However, I should be getting used to this.
It's not like this is the first of the lasts.
But every one still stings.

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Final Fantasy XIII is absolutely amazing.
I will have a full review of it once I complete it.
It's love in a video game.

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And as this
This thing
Evolves
Transcends
I realize
What it truly is
What love truly is
And right now
I find it simply
In your smile

Opening Credits Roll, Saxes Play

I want everyone to be okay.
Just for a little bit at least.
I mean, Colleen is all crappy crappy crappy.
And Zach is a crappy crappy crappy.
And....it's just not cool.

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I want to write a screenplay with the sole purpose of making it have a score that is performed entirely by a sax quartet.
I love quartet.
I made the wrong choice with the clarinet.
I really did.

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Today Mr. Hodge posted all this stuff about next year's marching season.
It took all I had not to cry.
I am really going to miss that.
Probably more than anything else.
I mean, I know I am playing in college, but it's not the same.
Nothing is like high school marching band.

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Battle of the Bands is going to be EPIC!

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I think I have settled in to being your go to person.
I could be okay with this soon.

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I need new life experiences. I mean, it's affecting my schoolwork.