Walking In Place

I always find myself in these times of anticipation. I'm always waiting for something. And I always feel that I should be doing. But nothing ever happens, and anything I do seems to amount to nothing. I want to be a part of something, of someone, of life. I am anticipating so much, I have so many ideas, but then I have nothing at all coming to me.

If only this person could...

If only I had this...

What if I did...

I did this so now...

I'm here now...

...so where to next?

I feel it--purpose--it's there somewhere inside me. It's waiting on something too. But what?

Haven't I done enough?

It's like I'm on treadmill instead of a path. You know how I hate treadmills. Nothing I do, nothing I say ever gets me anywhere. At least, not anywhere I am actually wanting to go.

A song by Josh Groban came on shuffle and I totally lost my train of thought.

Oh, jeez.

What if I tell the truth?

Would that get me anywhere?

I'm inclined to think it wouldn't.