Monday, November 29, 2010

What Am I Supposed To Say?

I know there is nothing I can say. You don't expect me to have anything up my sleeve that will fix this. But how can I not say anything? Except I don't know what to say.


I keep trying to figure out which direction I am supposed to go, but I can't. I look at you and feel something, but I don't know what it is.
I look back and remember where I was a year ago and I miss it so much. I was kneeling at your feet--yours to do with as you pleased.
I look back five years ago and remember that I could almost see that future. I couldn't even conceive a life without you.

In a simple five year period, between now and then, I thought I knew the answer. I thought I saw the path. Now I know that I know nothing. I am fighting blind--In the ring with an opponent who won't even taunt me.


Wouldn't it be funny if this panned out exactly how it could? It would make a lovely romantic dramedy. It would probably make a lot of money at the box office.

Of course, I would be presuming far too much.


Maybe, all those months ago, I got it wrong. In the wet, cold snow, I would be declaring this love and you--instead of them--would be staring me down. The setting was right, but the characters and cast were wrong.

Again, I am presuming far too much.


I wonder if I am as transparent as a I feel. Considering how weak and erratic my heart has become, do you blame me for letting my mind walk down these paths--if only as a dream?

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