Sunday, July 17, 2011

Trivial Encounters

Haha, it makes me laugh so much. This is perfect. It's the perfect story to tell years later when it's all inconsequential. It's further motivation to make it inconsequential. I want to make my life consequential. I want to tell people stories for the rest of my life. I want to make things for the rest of my life. I want to do this. I've always wanted to do this. So why am I having such a hard time believing that I can?

It's always been, "When I meet So-and-So," not "If I meet So-and-So".

I've always believed that. It's been inscribed in my very being. "I will be somebody," has been the driving force of my life since I could realize what it meant to be somebody.

So all of this uncertainty and failure and pessimism is just fear.

I am poised to really make something of myself. I could graduate this year. I could be in graduate school by the next. I could do it. I need to stop being so afraid. Everyone who was ever anyone had to stop playing it safe at some point. I am almost there. So close I can taste it. So why am I shrinking away?

I can't afford to do that anymore.

So, I am done limiting myself to the one graduate program in the Midwest. I'm sorry, but Kelsey is right, a plane ride is a plane ride, no matter where you're coming from. I'm going to be poor. I'm going to be far away from home. And I'm going to be okay with it. Because that's what it takes. And that's all there is.

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