Finally, Sadly, and Peacefully, the Cat is Dying.
Yes, after a little over 21 years, the cat is dying. For as long as I've been alive, that cat has been a character in my daily life. I just hope I forget her like this when she is gone, and remember her like she has been.
I dunno, this whole situation has brought up a lot of things for me.
I mean, we really can't do anything else for her except put her down, but my mother and I both agree that the trip would be too stressful for her (the cat - but perhaps my mother as well). My mother also thinks that she has no right the end Budbud's life. She is not God. I dunno if I agree with this. But I really don't want to put Budbud down. But I really don't want her to suffer. I just don't know.
I cried for like an hour tonight. It's a freaking cat though! Kim's father died this past spring and I am sobbing over a cat? I am deeply conflicted over a CAT? However, I sobbed and wrote a song over Kim's father passing as well. Again, I don't know.
Perhaps the worse thing is that in the back of my mind, I just see this as a preview for what I'll have to go through with my dog. Just thinking of losing him is making me cry. I mean, he's eleven. How many years could he have left? Granted, the average lifespan of a cat is nine years and our cat more than doubled that, but can I assume J.C. will be so lucky? He seems fit as a fiddle, but so did the cat in May. Ugh. I DON'T KNOW!
My mother says she will never have another pet after J.C. dies (or leaves with me....be positive), but I could easily say that I will get another dog. But will I think that when he dies? Will I think that I could possibly find another dog that could rival, if not be better than a dog that automatically walks around the flowers in my mom's garden and automatically decided to do his business in the woods and not the yard? Could I possibly find a dog that seems like he's smiling all of the time? Granted, there would be almost guaranteed improvements. Any dog I get would probably have teeth and would probably not have to be medicated for anxiety issues. But I don't know if those are actually improvements, or just elimination of great personality quirks. God help me. I don't know.
On a much lighter note.
I got new jeans today. (This is originally what I was going to blog about.) And the experience made me think a lot.
I love jeans. I really do. They are my favorite thing to wear - the perfect pair of jeans. However, they are REALLY hard to find!
I mean, everyone has their favorite pair of jeans that fit them just right. I've had several of those - worn until they were literally unwearable by law (like I could be charged with indecent exposure). I mean, first their were the L.e.i.'s - fit like a dream and were the embodiment of the American blue jeans. But then Walmart bought the brand and made them cheap and sucky. Then there were the Mossimo Skinny Jeans - skinny leg definitely compensated for the fact that they were too long for my short, stubby legs AND they were grey, which was very in at that time. Shortly after those were "retired" I found the offbrand of Mossimo, Exhilaration. They were cheap, fit well and looked good. But they were REALLY cheap and wore out faster than I could buy them. I decided that jeans I had to buy every two months were not a good idea. Ever since I've been looking for decent jeans that actually fit.
Today I decided to just buckle down and buy some and that was definitely stressful for a larger than average girl who is also shorter than average. I mean, yes, most department stores have jeans that come in three variations - short, regular/medium/average, and long - but I am actually shorter than the short variety. This is not a real issue if I buy skinny jeans because those just gather at my ankle rather than overflow my feet. But I noticed something today that was particularly annoying: NO ONE BUYS REGULAR/MEDIUM/AVERAGE! THEY JUST BUY SHORT AND LONG, BUT MOSTLY SHORT, SO I'M STARTING TO THINK THAT SHORT IS ACTUALLY AVERAGE. Definitely annoying for someone who is actually shorter than short and is just settling.
Another thing I noticed today (and I actually notice every time I try on clothes) is the handicap accessible dressing/fitting room. I want to ask: Does someone who would qualify actually use that thing? I mean, don't you think that someone who is in that much need would probably find less stress and hassle in just buying whatever, trying it on in the comfort of their own home, and then returning it, rather than killing yourself in a room with questionable locks and sanitation standards? I would like to think that the people that room is intended for would rather do that in their own home. Therefore, with my slight disability, if that room is unoccupied, I make a point to use it. I'd like to think the people whom that room was intended for wouldn't really mind. I'd just wish all the able-bodied people would stop looking at me with Squinty Eyes of Judgment.
Bottomline: I came away with five pairs of jeans in the hopes of not having to do that again anytime soon.