Sunday, October 24, 2010

Screw Being Cryptic

I've done nothing but try to do what's right for so long, but it seems that I don't even know what that is anymore. I just keep falling down every time. I look at the scar on my knee and remember what that meant to me.

It's not that I lost sight of it. It's just that I feel You have lost sight of me. Although, I know that to be untrue. It's a strange feeling, to be sure.

What's worse is that I feel that I have hurt Colleen, my best friend. Yeah, I said it. She's my best friend. I haven't had one of those in a long time, but I'm pretty sure that if anyone is my best friend, it's her. But I did nothing wrong! I keep trying my hardest to maintain what we had, but it's falling apart. I'd give anything to follow her around one more day.


That keeps coming back in my head. And it's true. I did not make false promises. I did not say anything wrong. And the truth is, Colleen probably doesn't even have a problem with me right now, aside from missing me. But one phone call two texts ruined my entire weekend. I was looking forward to this weekend all week, but NO! I had to be torn in two. Put in between a rock and a hard place. I felt guilt when there shouldn't have been any.

No, I didn't go to senior night a Seckman. I graduated last year, so I went to dinner with my mother instead.
No, I didn't go to marching band competition at St. Gen. It wasn't my band anymore, so I spent the day with my mother instead.
I had a fantastic time with my mother. It would've been fantastic if I did have this horrible and unwarranted feeling of guilt festering in my stomach.

It's just that I cannot be expected to compete with people who don't like to spend time with their mothers. Or with people who don't make plans outside of the Seckman Marching Schedule. That sounded really rude. But I really don't have a better way to put it.

1 comment:

susan sews a lot said...

I had fun, too. You did nothing wrong. Silliness.