Wednesday, October 6, 2010

You Can't Always Progress

I'm not going to lie--I am disappointed about how today went. It was just a blah day. And I didn't progress at all. But really, today was more of a regroup day. I see that now. I got to talk it out with you, and that was probably the most therapeutic thing I've done in months. We have an understanding. And that is more than I ever expected.


It's like this: I haven't really let go. I don't thing I ever will. I will always look at you and wonder what it would have been like. You are the embodiment of my regret.

I hate regret. It is the one thing I cannot stand. So I have guarded myself against it. The only way to guard oneself against regret, however, is to shut down--and that's what I have done up until this point. I didn't feel a thing for anyone like I felt for you.

But now that has all changed. Because, like when I met you, it was immediate. A fully formed and uncompromising feeling. With you, the circumstances didn't matter, and that is how it is again. I now find myself fighting to remember how I dealt with it.

Yes, day by day, I scrape every last paint chip off--but only to apply a different color.


Okay, I got chills when you asked me that. I'm serious.

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