---
It's literally been sleeting all day. The St. Charles area is supposed to get 12-18 inches of snow tonight. Oh my God. It's a horrible time to be craving pizza. I mean, do I want to send a poor delivery man to his death? No. But that doesn't mean I won't, if I get pizza, you know?
---
As you can probably tell, I have been thinking a lot lately. It's one of the three things I do to occupy my time. The other two are playing video games and watching Grey's Anatomy.
I strive to do good. I strive to lead a decent life - to be that person everyone thinks I am. But, to take a page out of the Kingdom Hearts canon, there is darkness in my heart. I can't control it. I can't channel it, and sometimes it gets the best of me.
---
When I was with you, I was the best me I could be. You literally brought out the best in me. Over time, I earned your trust and love, but now I have lost it. Maybe I am being overly dramatic about this; we weren't anything more than best friends. It's not like we were Vishal and Rachel. I know we (used to) joke that you are my Jedi apprentice and that you learned from me, but in all reality, it was the other way around. I learned from you. I learned what it was to have a best friend. I learned what it was to really love someone. I learned what it was to be good. Again, maybe I am being overly dramatic, but it doesn't feel that way. Maybe this will just blow over. To me, however, it's like the magnitude of all my mistakes is finally hitting me. I finally understand what happens when the darkness takes over.
"She loves you."
How many more people did I hurt?
---
Grey's Anatomy season 5 is my life.
---
How strange. A year ago, I was the happiest I had ever been.
No comments:
Post a Comment